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| Behind bars where she belongs |
This month, I've had a difficult time adjusting to the new family situation. Poppy's presence has turned my world upside down. My bed can't stay in the kitchen because she chews it, and my toys have been put away so she doesn't destroy them or hurt her teeth. Worst of all, I now only get tickles and cuddles from passing humans as an afterthought. Everyone only has eyes for the new girl.
I can't leave food in my bowl without her rushing to devour it like a splay-tailed, ravenous rat. I can't relax on the couch without fear she'll sink her fangs into me now she's grown long enough to leap onto it. The way she grinds away on her chew bone makes me think she is sharpening her teeth so she can pierce my ears. I don't want a loop earring, so you can hang from it when we're playing. No, thank you. Already this month, she has ripped into my side, leaving me with a nasty scab. The humans think that whenever I sneak away her chew bone, I want it for myself, but really, I'm just trying to finish it off before her teeth get so sharp she does me some proper damage.
I'll admit I struggled, no longer the centre of attention, venting my frustration on any tissues I could find. Things came to a head when they left the kitchen roll lying within reach.
Fortunately, for my own sanity, I had an epiphany.
One day, when Poppy was running about, her fangs wedged into one of my tennis balls, I noticed the ball was actually the same size as her head. Since that ball fits inside my mouth, that means so would her head. Suddenly, my fear subsided. If Poppy stepped out of line, I knew what I could do—bite off her head.
Now, of course, I wouldn't do such a thing. But she doesn't know that. And so the balance of power tipped back in my favour. Now, when we play, I'm not always the one running away. I turn the tables and hunt her, scaring her into the corners and behind the legs of the humans, roaring at her with the ferocity of a lion. My teeth may not be as sharp as hers, but they are bigger and stronger and can surround her whole head inside my mouth. I just have to remind her of this from time to time to send my message. I am the Top Dog.
We haven't been to many places this month due to the rain and one occasion of persistent freezing fog, but I did spot this rare double rainbow at Barshaw Park.
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| Yes, that is me in the photo. |
The time we spent at the cabin was either raining, freezing or blowing a gale. Poppy didn't enjoy her time there either, except when it came to eating the stones from the gravel paths. She overheard she'll get fed more if she's heavier, so she thought this was the quickest way to put on weight. She was like a hoover, sucking up every stray stone on the walks. I had to tell her to stop. That is not how the Man reached fifteen stones. She didn't listen. Thanks to her idiocy, her poop is now semi-organic and makes a solid thunk when the poo bag is dropped into the bin.
She also once ate the stuffing from her bedding and later struggled to poop it out. The Man had to assist her by pulling it out of her bottom like it was a magic trick, the white cord punctuated with little globs of brown flag. The fact that she decided to poop in the middle of the road only added to the tension.
Her other plan to gain weight has been to misbehave. Whenever she does something not to the humans' liking they recall her and give her a treat for complying. So obviously, she's learned she gets treats for being bad. Their puppy education system has gone to the dogs. It's not all bad, though. If I approach them at the same time, they think I've followed the recall command, and I get a treat, too.
There are not so many photos of me this month. Poppy has been their main focus. I'm due a haircut anyway, plus I had an eye infection, so I don't mind. I'll wait till the better weather to shine.
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| Sharpening her teeth |
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| I look worried |
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A freezing day at Ardrossan Breach.
We had to run around to keep warm. |
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| Poser. |
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| Why doesn't the Woman let me sleep there? |
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| You want a picture of us together? |
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| Don't think so. |
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| They finally bought Poppy a winter coat |
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| I'll only pose for a warm treat |
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| The fog froze the pond. |
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| I ensured she stayed on the floor for this one. |
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| I was unaware this picture was being taken |
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| Same with this one. |
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| Finally, one of just me |
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| Poppy action shot while I look elsewhere |
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| She's not allowed in the Summer House till summer. |
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| She's been bad. Can we have a treat, please? |
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| Yes, that cushion should be underneath her. |
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| Fortunately, her teeth can't bend bars yet. |
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| Yes, she was chewing that cushion a second ago. |
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| That's her lead, not diarrhoea. |
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| She didn't go any deeper. |
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| Why didn't the man release her back into the wild? |
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There was mayhem seconds later.
Do not disturb a sleeping dog! |
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| And relax. |
