Millie's Take On The World: December 2021

Tuesday, 28 December 2021

December 2021

What a traumatic month December has been!

You would have thought watching my lunch bowl fly off the roof of the car, spraying its contents all over the road as we drove to Pawz&Co (unseen by The Woman who didn't know she'd left it there), would have been the nadir of my month but no, I managed to top that by contracting kennel cough!

I had no idea what was wrong with me. It was the first time I'd been ill. The vet described it as a cold for dogs but I've never seen a cold where you retch up frothy, white catarrh that forms tasty jelly puddles on the carpet. The Man tried to stop me from licking them up by quickly shampooing every blotch but he was in a losing battle. I could always make more faster than he could clean them up. For a day or two anyway. Then I just had the cough.

As I couldn't mix with other animals, the Man used his holiday to take me to the cabin, where the fresh air was supposed to do me good. Unfortunately, he had to tell the locals to stay away from me so I felt like a pariah when they all kept their distance. To make matters worse, gossip spread around the campsite like a virus that I'd picked up a deadly plague. Complete nonsense! By that time, it was little more than an occasional cough or a crackly wheeze. When you're ill, you miss the comfort of a cuddle from a stranger. Well, I do anyway.

Fortunately, I recovered quickly enough to return to Pawz&Co in time for the Christmas party. We played games and had a special lunch and everyone got to take home a present. Only my owner refused to let me have mine, keeping the cone-shaped plastic bag of treats safe out of my reach on the central kitchen unit.

Or so she thought.

It remained there for days. I knew it was still there because I could smell it. Then, when the Man nipped out to deliver their Christmas cards to the neighbours leaving me uncaged all alone in the house, I stood on two paws, stretched my neck as far as it would go across that kitchen unit and reclaimed my Christmas present. Carrying it back through to the comfort of the freshly shampooed living room carpet, I didn't bother undoing the bag's golden ribbon. I just tore through the plastic and enjoyed a delicious feast of popcorn and doggy chews. It was nearly all gone by the time he returned, just an empty wrapper and a couple of puffs of popcorn. I didn't get another treat for the rest of the day, which was just as well because my tummy was full and I didn't want to mess up the carpet again.

I'll leave you with an unsolved mystery I encountered today (and I don't mean how The Woman caught Covid from the kids in the classroom. She was really ill - she couldn't tell the difference between diluted Ribena and concentrate):

Around the corner, near my favourite patch of grass is a carrot, a scarf and a couple of twigs, all the hallmarks of a deceased snowman.

Only we haven't had snow here.

So, either a child ploughed on with her desire to make a snowman despite the conditions or we're seeing the next stage in snowman evolution: Rain Men! Look out for soggy scarfs, loose vegetables and random twigs which they can count instantly without using their fingers, unless, of course, the twigs are their fingers. Beware the puddles. That's where they soak attack your paws.