Millie's Take On The World: May 2026 - "We're All Going On A Sunny Holiday"

Molly was still with us at the start of the month. She continued to make herself at home.

She's not sharing.

We celebrated Molly going home with a trip to Irvine Beach. It felt like we hadn't been in ages. It didn't turn out to be much of a celebration: the Man had heartburn, I wasn't allowed to roll on a dead seagull, and my poop got stuck to my bum hair and needed to be washed off using the Mud Daddy. It felt like getting an enema. The Man got his comeuppance when he realised the Mud Daddy had leaked inside his car boot, forming a puddle. I've nicknamed it the Puddle Car Daddy.

Irvine Beach

That's one way to get sand up your bum.

Poppy chewed through the internet power cable again. The Man was furious, cursing often and loudly, with fury in his eyes. Poppy ran for her life behind the table. I felt I had to take some of the heat off her, so I ate lots of grass at the park, which made me sick. Only I didn't realise we weren't going straight home. I didn't expect to still be in the car when my stomach contents returned, weaved with blades of grass. Nor did I realise the cover I was sick upon was Dry Clean Only. I didn't know that the Man would try to wash the sick off the cover in the sink, or that the water would flow off the fabric onto the floor, or that he wouldn't notice this until after he'd stepped his muddy boots through the puddle several times, leaving bootmarks all across the floor. I also didn't know he'd use a kitchen wipe to mop up the puddle, one that Poppy would steal and run about the living room with in her mouth. He couldn't chase her. He still had his muddy boots on. What I'm saying is my attempt to take the heat off Poppy backfired.

May's tick tally:

Poppy 3

Millie 1

The Man 1.

Poppy won by deliberately brushing her face through all the tall weeds and ferns at the cabin. The Man didn't know he was even in the competition until after a shower, when he found the wriggly thing stuck to his calf.

I'm not laughing. You're laughing.

The Man took us for a long walk at the Braes. He fancied seeing where the Brandyburn trail went. He didn't realise how far we'd gone until we reached Auchenlodment Road in Elderslie. He had to phone the Woman to pick us up and return him to his car, which he'd left in the car park.

Isn't the car that way?

Is he really taking us all the way along?

I'm afraid so.

You didn't think this through, did you?

We finally had a proper holiday this month, the first in ages. The humans booked a hotel for a couple of nights in Sandhead, a place near Stranraer. The Tigh Na Mara Hotel is small, but half of its rooms are pet-friendly. And there is no extra charge for bringing us. Big win!

Waiting to go out.

The beach is huge, especially when the tide is out.

The Mud Daddy got another outing after Poppy ran through the salty rivulets, and I rolled in something fishy.

We spent a morning visiting the Glenwhan Gardens and Arboretum in Dunragit. The day started out scorching hot.

Ready?

"Those are not ground birds"

"Hakuna Matata"

Their mummy?

Is the Woman about to be smited?

I'd love to go for a swim

I'm thirsty, too.

This frog is baked solid.

From here, you can see the Isle of Man

Pond life

Not for playing with.

Finally, something to drink.

We were kept on a leash the entire time.

By the end of the walk, we were knackered. The lovely tearoom staff gave us biscuits, and we were allowed to go inside and rest. Great place. The humans loved their cakes.

The Man wanted to visit Dunskey Castle, which the satnav said was a short drive away. I think the heat had got into its chips because it wanted to take us through a farm, then to a private holiday park, then directed us in the wrong direction so we could go away to let it try again. The Man ignored it, and eventually we found the car park at the harbour in Portpatrick. The path to the castle was right beside it. The car park was free, so that was a big plus for him.

Where did the roof go?

It's not inside.

It's not down there.

Or over here.

We never found the roof.

We stopped off at the Crown Hotel for a drink afterwards.
It was actually cooler outside thanks to the sea breeze.

The day turned overcast

At the hotel, we were allowed to eat together in the restaurant. The staff looked after us. At dinner on the first night, the waitress brought us a plate of cold, sliced beef to share. At breakfast, the waiter gave us two whole sausages. On the day we left, Poppy popped into the kitchen to pay her respects to the chef, much to everyone's surprise, especially the Man, who dropped his butter knife with a clatter as he tried, and failed, to grab her leash. We still received some chopped sausage, but sadly, only one between us.

We stopped off on the way home for a comfort break near Trump's Turnberry at a place called Maidens. It has a beach that looks and smells like a sea beast has suffered a dose of the runs. The stinky, deep seaweed was peppered with human detritus. "Someone should clean this place up", shouted the Man's boots as they sank ankle deep in yuck.