November 2022 - The Smell Issue

Remember, remember, the month of November... I'll tell you what happened in November.

Fireworks, for a whole night. 

The Woman had gone out and left me in my cage in the kitchen. As soon as it got dark, the loud noises started. I could hear the bangs and whizzes and see the flashes lighting up the opposite wall.  When the Man returned home from work, he insisted we only go outside for a brief time, long enough for me to pee, before we returned to the comfort of the couch. We watched loud action movies all night but I couldn't help but prick up my ears whenever a rogue bang exploded outside. They were still going off at midnight.  It wasn't even my birthday. They left a foul smell in the air that lingered the following morning. 

Speaking of which, did you hear about the Woman's oven use this month? One day, she forgot she was making toast on the grill until all the linked smoke alarms went off throughout the house. Then the next day, she burnt the scones she'd been heating in the oven. She told the man it was nothing to worry about but she forgets how sensitive my nose is. My bed was mildly smoke-damaged. She won't claim the insurance, though, stating that if I'm that bothered, I have alternative bedding elsewhere in the house. 

Talking of smells, this time lovely (and tasty), there's a shop near us that sells meat for rolls (and lots of other things too). I was allowed in once and the female assistant thought I was so gorgeous, she gave me a snippet of turkey. I've wanted to return ever since. This month that dream came true. Inside, I waited patiently with the Woman in the queue, sitting nicely, on my best behaviour. When it was our turn to be served, I saw the assistant and couldn't contain my excitement. Without thinking, I leapt onto the counter with all four paws to greet her up close, much to the embarrassment of the Woman, who grabbed me and returned me to the floor. The assistant was slightly taken aback by my effortless leap but soon came to see the funny side of things, rewarding me with a sliver of ham. No harm, no foul, but I think my visits may have been curtailed for a while. 

I've been making more of an effort to bling up my coat this month determined to mask the smell of the shampoo from the groomers. Fox poo, horse poo, cow poo, I've even rolled in dog vomit in an effort to gain that special aroma. I think I went too far.

"Hi Millie"

"Is that a new roll-on perfume behind your ear?"

"Let me smell"

"Phew!"

The humans went through a whole pack of wet wipes to clean me. Now, all I smell of is fragranced disinfectant.

I'm not having another bath. I've had two already this year.